if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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