I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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