If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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