I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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