Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
