I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How many fucks given?
0.12846
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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