Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize