Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
