Apparently you make a good broom.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
