Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize