Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
