Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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