I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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