I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
