Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
