Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
