So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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