Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
