I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
