Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
