I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
