allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
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I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How does it feel to date your dad?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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