well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize