a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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