There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
