Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
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My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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