i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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