I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
