I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
