so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
