She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
