I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
