who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
