Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
