he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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