dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
