is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
