my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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