:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
3pm strippers are depressing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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