I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
