id be glad to
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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