Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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