If that was your dad, he is hot
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize