I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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