I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
