An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I AM VODKA MAN
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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