Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize