Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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