he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
