You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
