I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize