He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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