You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
