someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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