whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
