So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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