Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
