On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
