You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
