I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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