He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
